My quarter-life crisis

 

Ok, so I've been thinking a lot about my life the past little bit. Ever since coming home from Europe(holy cow, did I just say that?) I've been wondering if the future I have planned for myself is right. Is it even good? Am I just dumb thinking I can do all that I want and be alright? What if there's something I completely missed and now I'm doing something that I shouldn't be? I mean, there's a big wide world out there and I'm working in the Cougareat! What am I doing with my life?

As you can tell, every once in awhile I think too much and my brain goes crazy. But I always have something to bring me back. This time it was by talking to Nancy, who is basically my second mom. I haven't seen her in 3 years and she came at the right time.

We went to Yogurtland and talked about school and Europe and my life goals. We ended up sitting for 3 hours in the car outside my apartment, talking about everything. That talk helped reaffirm all that I want to do in life. I have decided that i need to write this down so hat if I have another life crisis I can remember what it's all about.

What I want to do in life is work with youth and help them see how much they are loved. In my opinion, the problems in this world can be solved just by loving each other. I know that sounds cheesy and simple but just think about it. If we just loved each other we would be more understanding of one another, we would look past cultural or religious differences, we would not hurt each other physically or emotionally, we would see each other as we are and as we can become.

When I think about my teenage years I am saddened by how down I was about life. We all know this. 15 years old are plagued by this idea that no one understands them and that they know everything. I don't know if that could ever change but I do know that, in my life, once I realized I was loved I found hope.

Now don't get me wrong, my parents loved me to no end. They were always there for me and I completely took that for granted. But because of other circumstances that occurred in my life I felt like no one would care if I just disappeared. There was one night when I seriously contemplated running away. I angrily thought, "No one would miss me if I just left!" And then I heard a voice in my head say, "I will miss you." That is the one and only time I have literally heard the voice of the Spirit. I knew in that moment that I had a Father in Heaven that loved me and wanted me, a 16 years girl who was being completely foolish, to know that. And that one experience changed the course of my life.

Now I know that not everyone holds the same belief system I do. But I do know that the power of love is incredible and can change lives. There are so many kids out there who were not blessed as I was to have such an amazing family. They may have parents who abuse them or who aren't even there. They might be bullied in school or are being used by those they call their friends. Or they may just feel alone and helpless. Whatever the case may be, those who feel this way will turn to other things to feel accepted. They forget who they are, they forget their potential, they forget their worth.

My goal in life is to help youth remember who they are. Even if they do not believe in God, I want them to feel His love. I want them to know they are worth it, that they have the ability to become great, that they are incredible people capable of incredible things. I want them to know that they have someone to turn to at all times. I want them to know that they have someone who will love them no matter what. Because that brings hope and that brings change and that can change their lives.

I don't know yet how I will accomplish this. I don't know where to work or where to live or even what to do. But I know that this is right. This is the one thing I am completely passionate about and the one thing that pushes me to keep learning and growing. Because if I've helped at least one kid feel their worth then I've succeeded in life.

And that is my quarter-life crisis. It was long and cheesy in some places but it's all I want.

That time I went to Europe

OH MY GOSH I'VE BEEN TO EUROPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright, I had to get that off my chest. I can't even describe the past 10 days of my life. They've been stressful, tiring, a little unsanitary(yay hostels!), and the best 10 days of my life. I have seen so much and have learned so much and never want to leave.

Since I was a little girl my dream was to go to Paris. When people asked me where I wanted to go I'd say Paris without even thinking. However, with college loans and failed study abroad attempts, I never thought that would come true. It was another "one day" dream. But 4 days ago I stood in front of the Eiffel Tower and my dream was fulfilled. And let me tell you, it was everything I thought it would be and more.

Though I don't speak a lick of French and got laughed at with my pointing, the pastries were to die for and the crepes were fantastic. The city was beautiful and grand, with cathedrals everywhere you look  and buildings hundreds of years old. Just walking the city made me smile. I couldn't soak it up fast enough! I guess I'll just have to go back one day.

Then London. Cool city with tons of people. My last meal there included a chocolate cake that literally felt as though the heavens opened and shone down on me for 10 minutes. Then Stratford to see a Shakespeare's "As You Like It," a hilarious hipster heaven. Then to Cheltenham, a town out in the beautiful English countryside.

I'm flying home in 2 days and my grand adventure will be over. I'm sad to be leaving such a wonderful place, but I'm also ready to go back to where I'm from. I miss knowing the slang words, what each candy is, the people I go to church with, and sleeping in my own bed. I lived a dream, a glorious adventure filled dream and now it's time to find a new one.

And yes, Tangled is my favorite Disney movie.

Memorial day

Arlington National Cemetery

 With today as Memorial Day, I would like to write and remember the great men and women who serve our country every day. We live in a country that is free. That concept seems simple to us, but that is truly a luxury most in the world do not have. The concept of liberty and of inalienable rights is one that we are truly blessed to have. It is also constantly under attack by those throughout the world who wish to destroy the freedom we enjoy.

There are millions in the world who live every day in fear, fear of punishment for actions we in America take for granted. We are allowed to speak our minds, attend college, and worship as we choose. Women can vote, own their own homes, and compete with men in the workplace. Children are protected and the law is administered justly. These blessings are not found in much of the world today. And though the system we have does not run perfectly and the law is not always kept, we should feel blessed to live in this country and enjoy the rights that are protected within our Constitution.

My Grandpa, John R. Helms.

 Throughout the course of our nations history, there have been men and women who have fought valiantly to protect our God-given rights as human beings. From the the Founding Fathers to those serving now, we owe the life of this country. And not only do they protect us, they also fight every day to bring the same security to everyone.

I honor them for their sacrifice and will remember them always from their strength, courage, and love. How thankful and how blessed we are for those who fight every day to bring peace into this world.

Peace

 Sharing time! So, here's an experience I had last night that I wanted to share. I won't go into anything personal but I just wanted to share what I learned(or rather, re-learned). It's a beautiful doctrine that sometimes I need help remembering.

So, last night I was very sad about some things and didn't understand why I was struggling again when I had worked so hard to move past certain trials. Anyways, I took out my scriptures and read Mark 4:38-40, which takes place when the disciples were on the ship in the storm and Christ was asleep. It says,

"Master, carest thou not that we perish?" And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, "Peace, be still." And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them,"Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?"

Well, I read this and began to cry because it was exactly what I needed to hear. You see, I was sitting there asking,"Why am I alone and sad? I've worked so hard to do what I've been asked to do and I am still scared and lost. Carest thou not?" And the answer was the same as it's always been,"Trust me, have faith in me. Peace, be still."

There are times in our lives when we feel like the trials are too large, the sadness is too much, our burden is too heavy to bear. But we are not alone in our trials. The Savior is always there to calm the storms in our lives. He is there to lift us up, comfort us, and bring peace in times when it seems like there is none to be found. And all He asks is, "Do you trust me?"

Looking back on my life I have seen the guiding hand of the Lord and it amazes me how very perfect His plan is. I am happier now than ever before and that is because I know I am being lead to something much better. I know that the Savior is there for us at all times. We have no reason to be afraid because He stands with us. Don't lose your faith and don't give up. He will bring you peace.

An End

Well, the end of another semester draws near. As I look back on the past 9 months I can't help but be overwhelmed by how much I have grown and how much I have been blessed. 9 months ago I was in a sad place and so scared about the future. Though my circumstances are still practically the same, I have changed. It's amazing how trials can do that.

So, in commemoration of this year I decided to compile a list of the things I have learned.

1. We are never alone. No matter how dark the path seems we are never walking it alone.
2. School is important. Learn all you can. Not only does it help you see the world differently, but it also helps you to know yourself better(and as you can tell I am not an English major.)
3. Laughter really is the best medicine. Laugh about anything and everything. 
4. There can be joy found no matter the circumstances of life. Remember happiness is everywhere, you just have to find it.
5. To love someone means to accept them for who they are and seeing them as they may become. To love is to look past their flaws and see their potential. However, it does not mean you need to submit yourself to being used, or carrying heavy burdens that are not yours to bear. 
6. It's okay to be sad as long as you pick yourself up and start again.
7. Ice cream helps you not be so sad.
8. Friends and family can be your biggest support, even if you don't realize it at first.
9. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. It is real, it is true, and it creates miracles. 
10. Prayer is powerful. 
11. Though bad things happen, there are good and beautiful things in this world.
12. Running is the cure for stress, sadness, annoyance, anger, frustration, sorrow, loneliness,etc. Also, chocolate. That works too.
13. Music is heavenly. It has a power that nothing else on this earth has. 
14. There is strength found in scripture.
15. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the one true church on the earth today. 

And that's just a few things. All I know is that I have so much faith and so much happiness. Through trials we learn things we couldn't have any other way. We become something better than we are. Looking back on this year I know I have been blessed beyond anything I deserve, and for that I am grateful. And as this school year comes to an end I am so thankful for the new beginnings! Time for more learning and more growing. This is going to be a good year, I can tell. 

Good

 Tonight I just listened to a video on youtube, "Mormon Tabernacle Choir Flash-mob". (Yeah, that's right. MoTab has it going on!). They sang a fight song from the Revolutionary War at a memorial event. It filled me with so much peace and hope and thankfulness to those who fought, and continue to fight, for our freedom.

Yesterday were the horrible events at the Boston Marathon. I was appalled. Whenever I hear stories like that I am filled with such a deep sadness. I just don't understand how there can be such evil in the world. It pains me to think of the horrors that occur every day throughout the world. And yet I know there a good people in the world. When people come together to lift each other up, when they love and support each other, when you see people comfort those they don't even know, that gives me hope.

Though dark and scary things exist, the world is a good place with good people. There is beauty found everyday if we're willing to see it. Darkness cannot exist if there is light. And guess what? There is always light as long as there is love. That may sound cheesy but it's true. Love is the ultimate conqueror. It replaces despair with hope, sadness with joy, darkness with light.

I'll leave again today with another quote(this is another of my favorites. Get ready)

There was never a night or problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.-Bern Williams

There's good in the world, remember that.

Swimming Lessons

 Let me tell you a story.


Years ago, I was a swimmer. Not to brag, but for a little 12 year old kid I was pretty good. No Michael Phelps, but I was decent enough for coaches to push me harder than the others and tell me to join the swim team. It was pretty big deal back then, don't judge. Also, I beat all the boys. (Seeing the most popular guy in school punch the sand after getting second place is still one of the sweetest moments of my life.) My coach wanted me to keep going, but I was scared. Moving to a new swim team and while only knowing freestyle, how could I possibly do that? What if no one liked me? What if I was actually a bad swimmer and embarrassed myself in front of everyone?

All those thoughts now seem so dumb. You only know one stroke? Well, I'm sure they'll teach you the other ones. No one will like you? I'm sure at least one person will befriend the new girl. But you know, that didn't logically make sense in my head. Nope, those thoughts were the most terrifying possibilities that could ever happen. So what did I do? I quit.

My dad spent months/ years trying to get me back into the water and I wouldn't go. I still haven't  jumped in the pool other than for recreation since then. And that makes me so sad. I let all those 'what if's' turn into the biggest, what if I had kept going? I probably/most likely/most definitely wouldn't be an Olympic gold medalist or record setter, but I do sometimes think of all those people I didn't meet and the experiences I never had.

Now, I'm not one of those people who believes in continually beating yourself up over the past. There's nothing I can do about it now. And because I didn't swim, I was able to focus on piano, which has become one of the greatest joys in my life. I can think of nothing more peaceful than sitting down at the bench and letting those keys make music.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I allowed myself to miss out on an opportunity because I was scared. And that is no reason to quit. You can be nervous, scared, downright terrified. But don't let that stop you. You never know what could happen. Maybe you'll become the next great athlete, or the next rockstar. But at the very least you tried and you learned. Failure is a verb, it requires action. When people say to me, "Well, that did not turn out how I was expecting," I think to myself, "Good for you. You failed-you tried." Don't let fear of failure keep you from taking those steps.

To end, let me leave you with one of my favorite sayings:

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." - Les Brown

Go out, be happy, have fun, and don't be afraid to fail. You never know what could happen.