My quarter-life crisis

 

Ok, so I've been thinking a lot about my life the past little bit. Ever since coming home from Europe(holy cow, did I just say that?) I've been wondering if the future I have planned for myself is right. Is it even good? Am I just dumb thinking I can do all that I want and be alright? What if there's something I completely missed and now I'm doing something that I shouldn't be? I mean, there's a big wide world out there and I'm working in the Cougareat! What am I doing with my life?

As you can tell, every once in awhile I think too much and my brain goes crazy. But I always have something to bring me back. This time it was by talking to Nancy, who is basically my second mom. I haven't seen her in 3 years and she came at the right time.

We went to Yogurtland and talked about school and Europe and my life goals. We ended up sitting for 3 hours in the car outside my apartment, talking about everything. That talk helped reaffirm all that I want to do in life. I have decided that i need to write this down so hat if I have another life crisis I can remember what it's all about.

What I want to do in life is work with youth and help them see how much they are loved. In my opinion, the problems in this world can be solved just by loving each other. I know that sounds cheesy and simple but just think about it. If we just loved each other we would be more understanding of one another, we would look past cultural or religious differences, we would not hurt each other physically or emotionally, we would see each other as we are and as we can become.

When I think about my teenage years I am saddened by how down I was about life. We all know this. 15 years old are plagued by this idea that no one understands them and that they know everything. I don't know if that could ever change but I do know that, in my life, once I realized I was loved I found hope.

Now don't get me wrong, my parents loved me to no end. They were always there for me and I completely took that for granted. But because of other circumstances that occurred in my life I felt like no one would care if I just disappeared. There was one night when I seriously contemplated running away. I angrily thought, "No one would miss me if I just left!" And then I heard a voice in my head say, "I will miss you." That is the one and only time I have literally heard the voice of the Spirit. I knew in that moment that I had a Father in Heaven that loved me and wanted me, a 16 years girl who was being completely foolish, to know that. And that one experience changed the course of my life.

Now I know that not everyone holds the same belief system I do. But I do know that the power of love is incredible and can change lives. There are so many kids out there who were not blessed as I was to have such an amazing family. They may have parents who abuse them or who aren't even there. They might be bullied in school or are being used by those they call their friends. Or they may just feel alone and helpless. Whatever the case may be, those who feel this way will turn to other things to feel accepted. They forget who they are, they forget their potential, they forget their worth.

My goal in life is to help youth remember who they are. Even if they do not believe in God, I want them to feel His love. I want them to know they are worth it, that they have the ability to become great, that they are incredible people capable of incredible things. I want them to know that they have someone to turn to at all times. I want them to know that they have someone who will love them no matter what. Because that brings hope and that brings change and that can change their lives.

I don't know yet how I will accomplish this. I don't know where to work or where to live or even what to do. But I know that this is right. This is the one thing I am completely passionate about and the one thing that pushes me to keep learning and growing. Because if I've helped at least one kid feel their worth then I've succeeded in life.

And that is my quarter-life crisis. It was long and cheesy in some places but it's all I want.